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(aka President)

Level of Play : Player's Choice
3-10 Players, 4-6 Players preferred
3-5 players - 1 Deck / 6+ Players - 2 Decks

The game works better when each player has 13-18 cards. So, for 3-4 players, use 1 deck -- For 7 or more players use two decks -- For 5-6 players, I usually use a deck and a half.

First, deal out all the cards. Place your cards in numeric order, with pairs grouped together.

The person that dealt the cards becomes President-Asshole (Bill Clinton). For the first hand, he has the responsibilities of both President and Asshole (which be explained more later). Basically, this means that he gets to lead off, and he must sweep the cards after every hand.

Play - Play starts by a player throwing a card(s). You may start with whatever card(s) you like, but usually it is a good Idea to throw a low card. The next player plays on that card if he is able to. In order to play a card, you must throw cards that are both :

  1. Higher than the card(s) already on the table. ( > ) If a 3 is on the table, you must play at least a 4
    Order of cards - 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, J, Q, K, A, 2
  2. Equal to or Greater than ( => ) then number of cards. If there is a pair on the table, you must play at least a pair. You may play a three-of-a-kind or four-of-a-kind if you wish, but you may not through a single card (With the exception of the next rule...)
  3. You can throw a "2". A "2" is a trump card. A Two will beat everything, and a two cannot be beaten. After a 2 is thrown, play stops, and the player that threw the two gets to lead off. You only have to throw 1 Two at a time. (But you may throw down more than 1 if you a trying to get rid of all your cards.)

That is to say... If the lead play leads of with a single three, the lowest thing that the next player may through a single four (although he may throw a pair of fours, three fours, four aces ... just about anything except another three)

If the lead player starts with a pair of Fives, the lowest thing that the next player may throw is a pair of Sixes. They can throw anything they like... as long as it is at least a pair, and as long as the value is seven or higher (or a Two, as explained before)

It is important to remember that Asshole is not Poker. Three of a kind does not automatically beat two of a kind. It all depends on the order the cards are played in.

For example, if I lead with a single Ace, the only thing that can beat it is a two. A pair of Threes will not beat a single ace because a 3 is lower than an Ace (see rule #1 above).

BUT, if I lead with a pair of threes, a single ace will not be able to beat it because a single card cannot be played on a pair (see rule #2) ... with the exception of a single two (see rule #3). The next player could play a pair of aces, but not just the single ace.

Each person takes turns throwing out cards. During each hand, each player gets to play once (and only once). That is to say, the person that leads off does not get to play twice in the same hand. When play returns to the person that lead off, play stops and whoever played the last card gets to lead off. The only exception to this is when a two is thrown, after which the hand is over, and whomever threw the Two leads off.

OBJECT - The object of the game is to get rid of all your cards. The first person to do so is President. BUT... play does not stop there. Keep playing until there is just one person left with cards. The players individual rank is determined by what order they run out of cards. The first person after the president to run out of cards becomes the Vice President. Follow the chart below to see the names of the other ranks.

The list changes according to how many people are playing. The only important thing is that there must always be a President and an Asshole. The other ranks are just for bragging (and drinking) rights.
Here is the order for 4 players :
1st - President
2nd - Vice President
3rd - Shithead
4th - Asshole

Here is the order for more than 4 players :
1st - President
2nd - Vice President
3rd - Secretary (Secretary of the Treasury)
4th - Treasurer (Treasurer of the U.S.)
- Policeman
- Fireman
- Citizen
- Garbage man
3rd to last - Rump Ranger
2nd to last - Shithead
Last - Asshole

Powers of office
Yes, power has its perks. The main one being that you can order those below you to drink.
  • President can order ANYBODY to drink
  • Vice President can order anybody (except the President) to drink
  • Secretary and order anybody to drink (except the Pres and Vice pres.)

  • ETC....
  • Shithead can order Asshole to drink..
  • Asshole can't do shit about it.

Other rules: